Saturday, May 7, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
When I've gone too far
Trying to be that shooting star
When I'm losing ground
Just from spinning around
I’ll just look inside
For some peace of mind
So sick of the moment now
Just stand up and take a bow
When I feel unnoticed
For trying to please
Just two steps back from hopeless
Hoping to fall unconscious
Sitting and regretting my lifestyle
You turn my world around with a single smile
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Name : Daren Boey
Class : 5Sc3
The Dream You'll Never Have
What are dreams nowadays in this modern era? Is it all about adorable garden gnomes, majestic unicorns and the magical hocus pocus in the magical land of Moronia? If you asked a child maybe he or she would talk about being an astronaut in space exploring the nether regions of the eternal space of the universe or maybe perhaps riding on the back of a unicorn over a lovely rainbow. A teenager would probably talk about being the next Superstar that would make Jason Mraz sound like a retarded monkey that just got kicked in the gonads. Dreams can vastly vary from person to person depending on their interest and what they want to achieve in life.
People constantly talk about making it big in life and being the next billionaire or rock star. They take it to heart the famous saying that has become overused and now considered a cliché which is “make it big or die trying”. Yes there is the fair amount of people who make it big. About 1% of the world population would ever be successful in life. What happens to the other 99%? They end up doing all sort of odd jobs. Their dreams shattered and they are forced to walk down the boulevard of broken dreams.
I’m not going to talk about people who make it in life and how they did it. I want to talk about the others who never did get their dreams. The dreams that never materialized. Everyone has obviously seen in countless Hollywood movies about parents telling their children that they can be the next President of the United States of America if they set their minds to it and work hard in life to achieve it in life. Maybe by a slip of fate or wrath of the God that you’re destined not to make it big? People would say I’m being a heretic and that my statement is blasphemous. I’m only trying to be a realist and not keep my heads in the cloud.
In the Asian society of this world, you got to have good grades and possibly be the reincarnate of Albert Einstein or Leornado Da Vinci in order to be respected. Parents push their children to score in public examinations so that they can prove they have a competitive edge compared to the others. They want to prove their superiority among the lower peasants. It’s almost impossible to never have seen a mother nagging her son to study hard and score well so he can grow up be a great man. Unfortunately, not everyone is destined to be great. Some are born with greatness, some achieve greatness and others never will grasp greatness.
It’s starting to become a common event where your morning newspaper’s headlines read “TEEN KILLS HIMSELF”. And when you decide to bother to read the article, you soon discover the reason the teen killed himself was because he didn’t get good results in his exam. His dreams snatched away from him, dreams just outside of his grasp and thus leaving him an empty shelf devoid of meaning. This leaves him feeling as a failure without a goal in life. Depression sinks in and secures its place in the individual’s soul. It feels like all downhill and the only way out is death. Sadly in this time, suicide is starting to become a common event and is even depicted as the easy way out of problems.
Maybe dreams are just a lie to one’s self that you can reach the impossible. Long has humanity dreamed and achieved wonders in their life proving that there are the superior species on this planet. But some dreams are just destined to be broken. People create silly traditions that they believe can make their dreams come true such as making a wish blowing out the candles on a cake or even wishing upon a falling star. Nothing comes easy in life and you got to work for it but maybe sometimes you just have bad luck. Let’s make an example. A guy who is handsome, has the body of a Greek God and has brains like a super computer but is rejected from Oxford University because there’s another 50 other guys like him but just better. Tough luck isn’t it? Well things happen. Get used to it.
You could dream all you want, work for it and perhaps even dedicate your life to your dream. But somehow you just fail and end up falling into a bottomless pit of failure. People say when you have hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. Sometimes the best place to be is at rock bottom. At least you won’t fall again and hit the ground hard. You are what you are and there’s nothing you can do about it. You can try to run away from your failures but eventually you’re going to slip up and the ghosts of your past are going to catch up with you.
There’s another way to look at successfully achieving your dreams. Instead of chasing a dream that might never happen, you could just have no dreams. Without dreams you don’t fail and hence you succeed. People say if you don’t fail, it means you have succeeded. Looks like there’s a loop hole to this statement. Maybe it’s just better to have no dreams. Keep your head low and on Earth and not stuck in the clouds.
Don’t take this personally or even as a principle to life. It’s only an angle to look at dreams and what that may never be. I’m not saying that I don’t have dreams and in fact I do have a dream that I want to achieve in life. Obviously you’re thinking that I’m being hypocritical for writing about dreams that we’ll never have and yet I have big dreams. I only have one thing to say to that. Aren’t we all hypocrites in our own way?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
So for those who have been wanting to read it. Here it is.
The Mad Scientist
I still remember when I first married him. Nikolai Strovoski, my beloved husband. Back then he was a caring, kind and intelligent Christian man. He had always loved science ever since I knew him. He would tell me stories on how he spent hours in the corner poring over Einstein’s “Laws of Physics Edition III” and would bring it everywhere he went. He had dark brown hair which he always tried to keep in check but failed miserably. His smoky grey eyes had always given me the impression that it was the window into his soul of endless knowledge and thought. He had a masculine jaw line and his chin was free of any hint of stubble.
When I first met him, he was 29 and I was 27. It was love at first sight. After a year of dating he proposed to me. It was at the lookout point where we first met. The place had breathtaking scenery. It had a bird’s eye view of the neighborhood below and you could see the city spanning the horizon and skyscrapers that men had built trying to prove their supremacy over this land. It was a vacant plot of land with a lovely house that I would have loved to buy but was unfortunately out of my pay grade. But nothing was impossible for Nikolai. He never believed in limits and used to say the sky is not the limit but the standard. He got down on one knee and proposed to me revealing a black velvet box. Inside it resided this magnificent piece of craftsmanship. A silver ring encrusted with a diamond the size of a marble. On the inner circle was engraved eternal “I love us”. I remember not hesitating when I said yes.
We had a lovely but simple wedding. We were married at the house I had always loved. Nikolai had bought it and decided it to be our home for our new life. I remember walking under the metal arch entangled with vines of white roses. My family, friends, all my loved ones gathered together to see me on my special day but I couldn’t help but feel sad that none of Nikolai’s relatives were there. It was as if he was the last of his family. Nikolai rarely spoke of them and I barely knew anything about his past. He was mysterious yet ironically, that was his allure. Nonetheless I loved him for who he was and what he could be and not his past.
Two years passed and we lived happily together. But that one fateful day just had to happen. Nikolai came up with a theory that he could harness static energy from the air around us and turn it into an alternative source of electricity. The men of science of the world could not believe his preposterous theory. They called him mad and said he was out of his mind for thinking of such a thing. The science community shunned him, rendering him an outcast and no longer worthy of their presence.
Nikolai went into a rabid obsession trying to prove their speculation wrong. That wish had become his fuel. He attempted to build the machine. He would spend his entire days in his lab and would only leave to have his meals. He was on the edge of insanity but I guess I was the only person holding him back from plunging into the world of madness. This continued on for a whole year when one day he came into the house. He was still wearing the same shirt he was wearing 4 days ago. But he had a triumphant look on his face. I could tell that he succeeded in materializing his obsession. I was truly against his idea of building this machine but he would not hear of it. Nikolai might be caring but he is as stubborn as a mule. Once he sets his mind to something, he would never change his mind set. He said that I needed to see it and he led me to his lab. I had never been into his lab and I was actually kind of surprised that he wanted me to enter it with him.
We went to the back where a two storey building stood. It had a metal door that looked like it could withstand the explosion of a ton of C4. According to Nikolai the only ways in were either the roof of the lab is blown off with the help of a demolition team or he alone did a palm scan on the screen beside the door. As the door opened I felt as if I was in a sci-fi movie. Machines, wires and screens were all over the place. I could see motorized hands dripping liquids into test tubes. Test data being read out by a computerized voice. And in the middle of the room stood a machine that was so tall that it was reaching the roof of the laboratory.
“Honey, this is what I have been working on for the past year, and once I test it and I know it will work, I will prove them all wrong. All those people who said I was mad. They all will be wrong.”
Nikolai was so confident that his machine would work. I could feel an aura of confidence emitting from him. Yet deep down in my gut I felt that we should not mess with the laws of nature. Throughout history nothing but the destruction of the world has resulted from each of mankind’s inventions. Somehow I felt this machine would lead to the end.
“Nikolai, I love you very much and I know you’re a brilliant man. But we should not mess with the laws of nature. We should not change what God has created. If he wanted us to change it he would never created the problem in the first place. So please don’t do this.”
“But Sarah, I must do this. I must regain my pride that they have stripped away from me.”
I had to say it. I had to stop him. He already had his finger on a big red button and I could tell if he pressed it, it would start the test.
“Nikolai! If you love me, you will stop this madness!”
He paused for a moment and I actually believed he was going to walk away but he went ahead anyway. He pressed the button. I remember his last words to me before it all went wrong.
“I don’t love you. I love us.”
Things went horribly wrong. Sparks were flying all over the place. Next thing I could see was a white light. I could see my own body. I was dead.
That was 20 years ago. Nikolai was arrested for my murder and was sent to prison. He could never prove that he didn’t kill me. I am in heaven now and I am helpless. All I can do is watch him. Now as I watch my husband being released from prison on parole, I cannot help but feel sad for him. The years have been unkind to him. His hair is now graying and his eyes are devoid of emotion. Nobody was waiting to take him home. He was alone.
He took a cab back to what used to be our home. The tattered yellow police tape was still there blocking the path into his lab. He ignored it and continued on into his lab.
“Sarah. I will avenge you. You’re dead because of America and their so called high society. In those 20 years. I figured out what was wrong with the machine. It is not meant to help men but destroy them.”
Nikolai has gone mad and I could do nothing to stop him. I could only watch as he reprogrammed his machine of revenge. A computerized voice sent chills down my spine and I was filled with fear.
As Nikolai pressed the red button once again, I could instantly see the machine spinning into life. Dark clouds started spooling over the city. Dark clouds spewing bolts of lightning dealing destruction onto the innocent below. Nikolai smiled wryly at his success. As he watched the destruction of the world from his window, he took some rope and started preparing for the end. I could clearly hear what he was saying.
“From dust you are and to dust you will return. Even though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
And as he knotted a hangman’s noose around his neck, I could see in his eyes that he had no regrets. I could no longer watch this madness.
Revenge is like a ghost. It consumes everyone until the last man standing has fallen.
My beloved Nikolai, proved them wrong. You built the machine but you lost your mind. Was it worthwhile after all?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I do not admit I might just be extra hard on him. But I want them to pass. I want them to grow and be the best they can be. I know I sound like some crazy over-protective mother. I just want them to make me proud as their senior. And no my ego as a 1st batch senior or me already having passed 1 junior does not play into this.
I feel dishearten to see the Michaelian Spirit that grew in me and still believe in slowly dying in St. Michael’s culture. The school believes in supporting the Lost, the Least and the Last. Yes that is still practiced in our beloved school. But whatever happened to the sense of gratefulness. Students now are taking everything for granted. I just wish our school could be like how it used to be. The Michaelian Spirit burning strong in each and every Michaelian. Proud of who they are and where they come from. I guess things are different now…
At least the thought of you still puts a smile on my face. You truly make my day. But I just want you to have some space. I don’t want to be around 24/7 and squeeze the living daylight out of you. And don’t worry I’m not emo or sad. I’m perfectly fine. I wish Taiwan would quickly come so I can come back soon and go for that ice-cream. =)
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Bianca Bianca.... You are so funny when you act all emo. Lol. Emo is so not for you. You should be happy. You cant take my old place. It's not meant for you. And i think you're my bestfriend. I think. Lol.
Ugh... For some reason i cant sleep more than 8 hours. Dam my biological clock. I'm awake and waiting till im sure that you're awake. =) I really need to stretch my body. It's aching all over. I blame the last few days of exercise.